keller on lostness, God's love, etc...

There is way way too much to recount in chapter 4 of the book but I want to highlight a couple phrases that stuck out to me personally because they are things I can relate to over and over again in my life. The title is Redefining Lostness and Keller talks about signs of elder brother lostness and younger brother lostness.

One of the signs of elder brother lostness according to Keller is a lack of assurance of the Father's love. He says that because we are unsure of God's love we try to live up to a moral code to earn our salvation. Problem is we're never sure we've arrived at being good enough for Him. So we simply aren't sure God loves us and delights in us.

Though I might not always come right out and tell you this is where I'm at or how I feel it's often my reality. Many times I may not even see this lack of assurance in my Christian life but if I look below the surface behind all my symptoms I see this is the root. Some of the symptoms he mentions are a lack of wonder, awe, intimacy or delight in one's conversations with God. I'd say since the summer of '05 this has for a majority of the time been very true of me. Most of my life prior to this time I'd say I already struggled with feeling emotionless in general. But I started to explore the roots of this in '05 and well the venture continues... Keller tells us to think of 3 kinds of people: a business associate we don't really like,a friend we enjoy doing things with and then someone we are in love with and who is in love with us. He talks about our communication style with each one. I'll skip to the one about the lover since this is one of the phrases standing out to me. He says that "with your lover you will sense a strong impulse to speak about what you find beautiful about him or her". Personally I find myself doing this sometimes with people in terms of God being the lover here. But too often I can look and see that this is really lacking in my relationship with God. Or often times I find myself telling students and others all about God's beauty, greatness, power, grace,love, etc. because I do believe it's there and He is all of these things and I want so badly for others to fully experience even if I don't myself. I hold out hope that perhaps they will experience it 100%.Problem is I want to know why it isn't this way for me. Why can't I feel it, be assured of it, fully embrace it?? It's not like I always am out there consciously choosing to seek out other Saviors or talk about my other beautiful lovers. But deep down or rather all over I feel very little and most times nothing. There's no emotion, no feeling, no nothing. That opens up a whole other area in my life. Too much for a blog. However, I am not content with this state of being. I refuse to accept that I will never fully get the Gospel and never fully be assured of God's love for me and His delight in me. Sometimes I think I'll never get it 100% myself but I've yet to give up the battle to do so. I believe and know that ultimately God is good and He does what he promises. Usually in his own timing or in his own ways though.

So the place I find myself at the moment is admitting the yes I'm not fully sure of God's love for me and that coupled with my feeling very little makes for a strange and confusing place to be for a Christian whose job is full time ministry. It'd be the same kind of place for any other Christian with any other occupation though I think. So the other night I was attempting to describe my current state of being with adjectives as I lay in bed. This is what I do most nights. Around 2,3 or 4 am when I finally crawl under the covers I begin to just think, ponder, wonder and then dialogue with God. Usually goes on for a while and well I find myself barely sleeping. Anyway, back to the other night... as I thought about a more thorough description for my current state of being I avoided the "dry" word because I wanted to honestly get at the root of what I was feeling or rather not feeling. I began to imagine this place that was pretty large but empty, a light but hazy shade of gray, with an abounding silence where I was all alone. It felt a little lonely at first but mostly it felt calm like it's ok to be in this place and not understand it, not really know how to go forward in it, or exit out of it. Just a place to kind of just be and think.
I would describe this place as where I currently find myself spiritually. I think I'm there just being and wrestling with God and the Gospel. And I don't think it's a bad thing just tough. To end this post here's a couple sentences from pg. 70 of the book that caught my eyes.

"If you've become a Christian out of being an elder brother, you can even more easily slide back into elder brother attitudes and spiritual deadness. If you have not grasped the Gospel fully and deeply, you will return to being condescending, anxious, insecure, joyless and angry all the time." (keller,70)


I logically know the Gospel and have accepted it but I believe mostly I don't deeply and fully grasp the Gospel in my heart and a large part of that comes out of my mistrust of God's heart, my lack of assurance of His love for me and my issues with feeling/emotion. So this is what I am wrestling with. Welcome to the journey.


come back later for more ramblings...

Reading...The Prodigal God by Tim Keller

So if you've read the last couple posts or so you know that there's been a lot of contemplating, thinking, searching,etc etc going on in my life. Well that season hasn't come to an end just yet(not that it every really will). The last couple months or so like I said in the last post I've found myself all over the map emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Many people many not see it from the outside but inside there is an ever flowing and raging river of questions, confusions, doubts, and the likes. My time spiritually has been what some or rather the christian culture would call dry. I find myself wanting to revolt at the use of the word or phrase. It seems so cliche and so well non-chalant(sp?) about the current state of my spirit. My Bible has been left and lost off and on during this time. To confess there where days I didn't really even think about it or know where it was. I actually went to a christian conference and absolutely cannot remember even thinking about it when packing. I don't say this to somehow brag or show off the state I am in. There is nothing glorious or desirable about it but this is where I find myself recently. Since returning to Italy I started reading the Prodigal God at the suggestion of an Italian friend. The first four chapters or so tell the story of the "man who had two sons" more commonly known as the parable of the prodigal son. Keller uses these chapters to show how actually the story is about two sons that are both lost and both refusing God. He draws out what each of these two types of people would look like spiritually-one the rebeller and the other obedient to the letter of the law. To very inadequately sum it up he's telling of how we're really trying to be self saviors and in control. Though one son is "good" and the other "bad" both are alienated from the father because of their wild actions and moral conformity. Read the book to really understand the hearts of both sons. Way to much for me to explain it all here and I know some may be thinking but the older son did everything right why was he left out in the cold in the end. So I say purchase a copy of the book and read on...

Moving along through most of this I was like ok ok got it. Yeah I see that tendency in me to be a pharisee law abider trying to earn my salvation but there's also a bit of the rebeller in me. Keller takes time to redefine sin for us as well just in case we don't quite have it down yet. "Elder brothers obey God to get things. They don't obey God to get God himself-in order to resemble him, know him, love him and delight him. So religious and moral people can be avoiding Jesus as Saviour and Lord as much as the younger brothers who say they don't believe in God and define right and wrong for themselves." (keller, 43) So in the end what God is saying is sin isn't just doing bad things or wrong things but rather putting ourselves in the place of God as Savior, Lord and Judge.

Then Chapter 5

Jan. 11th, 2010...where I'm at

So over the last couple months my emotions, feelings and state of being have varied wildly from really good to what I might call deep sadness of heart mingled with confusion and some doubt. But the Lord has been faithful even when I am and continue to be unfaithful and lacking in discipline in my life. I've found myself questioning the goodness of the Lord and how and why He does the things or allows the things He does in the lives of His children. And then there are times when an unexplainable peace overcomes it all. I'm intrigued with the Lord and all that He does. No I don't understand it all not even a fraction of it and yes sometimes ok often I wish I did. I'm sure you many of you at some point or another how felt what I'm talking about. Though I've spent very minimal time in the Word lately there have been a few songs that consist of mostly scripture that I just can't get out of my head. It's those promises made by the Lord to His people that keep me going, give me hope and allow me to get up again day after day even when I may not feel like doing so or even when I'd like to actually run the other way. The whole cd is amazing but two Shane and Shane songs in particular have been speaking to me: For the Good and This Is Who I Am. Check them out on itunes. So today Jan. 11th at 11:20 pm I'm feeling good and for today I've felt anew a glimpse of His goodness in my life and a joy in using the gifts He's given me. The sun came out today.


I just finished 500 Days of Summer. Great movie and oddly fitting for the time in my life I find myself in. So go watch it. The artsyness and music are some of my favorite parts. Not your typical humorous or mushy chick flick.

The hurting of a heart

So the news isn't really out to everyone but not quite two weeks ago the guy I've been dating for 5 months broke up with me. I'd always heard stories and seen others go through it but the Lord has spared me that pain for almost 28 years. Until now that is...don't get me wrong the time I spent with this guy was a huge blessing. I saw the Lord use him, our relationship and everything in between to grow me in many areas of my life. It was actually quite beautiful to see and experience it all from the spiritual prospective. Not at all bad for a first relationship but the moment I currently find myself in isn't easy. The first few days I tried to pretend as if it were all a dream and that perhaps I'd wake up and all would be good again. I resorted back to my hard heart and mostly emotionless self from several years ago. But I am not that person anymore nor do I desire to be and then it happened I was quickly broken. I found myself understanding why it ended for the most part, thanking the Lord for how amazing it was and how much He had grown me through it but at the same time deeply hurting inside. I felt feelings and emotions I thought I was incapable of having. It hurt deep inside in a strange way and it wasn't all that pleasant. I wanted to yell at God and ask why he chose to teach me things in this way. I wanted to know how come he couldn't have done it in another way? Or why two people who get along so well, care about each other so much, seem darn good together and love spending time together can't actually fall in love. why? what's the point? In the end I still can't answer all those questions. But I do know that God works in mysterious ways and that sometimes there are just certain things we cannot learn or grow in without being put in very specific circumstances. The fact that I feel anything, am letting myself grieve a little and am actually writing this for all to read is a sign of major work done by the Lord. The last few days I've been pretty good. I laugh again, enjoy going out with friends,etc but it's an ever present battle against the lies of the enemy about my worth, my beauty, things said during our time together and believing the best about this guy. I have nothing to do but cling to the Lord and his promises through this. I've spent a lot of time in the Psalms basking in the raw and varying emotions of David and his conversations with the Lord. They have been a comfort and a beautiful reminder of the Lord's goodness and love for me. So I'm moving on but the tears still fall every now and then. I try to embrace the sick feelings that creep up in my heart every so often and seek the Lord's face through it all. May the Lord ultimately be glorified from this relationships and our individual lives.

Sickness

So it seems I'm sick yet again. I can't seem to figure it out but I'm assuming I have a very weak immune system. I can never get hte usual light cold, sore throat, etc like most people. Like always I tried to avoid the antibiotics nad let it heal on it's own a bit. Today I gave in and went to the doctor amid excruciating pain, tiredness, lack of breathing ability, and unable to eat or swallow. Sounds fun huh. It like the light occasional sore throat mutated overnight. The doctor gave me a nice scolding about waiting so long and that I should never do this again in the future because it's very dangerous for me. In the end I have a very bad case of strep throat and one tonsil has abscessed, hence the inability to breath. The tonsil is so swollen it touches the thing in the center of my mouth and that prevents air from entering half my windpipe and causes excruciating pain. The entire side of my neck, lymph nodes, and ear are all swollen. I'll save you the rest of the gory details about the inside of my mouth. But in the end I'm on powerful antibiotics for 12 days and forcing myself to at least drink a little milk or yougurt with the pills nothing more. Pray for quick and complete healing of my throat and tonsils. I don't think I've ever had throat pain this bad in all my life. It's also impairing my ability to talk with the swelling and pain. Our team will be starting planning meetings tomorrow meeting at 10a.m. Those will continue on and off for the next 10 days. I'd love to be up and at full strength for those. So pray for the antibiotics to work quickly and thoroghly. Pray for our team as we enter into this period of intense planning,etc for the upcoming year on campus.

Seeking the Lord- John Piper

Recently I signed up to receive an email devotion from John Piper every 4 days or so. I've always found myself challenged by Piper and his writings but I was thinking how big of an impact can a simple email devotion have, how in-depth can it be,etc. I have to say that I have kept each one of them an I read them over and over again. I love looking into the depth of the Word the way Piper does. I find myself challenged in my my disciple or lack thereof to get into the Word like this on my own time and I'm seeing the grace, mercy and love of the Lord in whole new lights. So here's one that I enjoyed recently. Thought I'd share it with you.


What Does It Mean to Seek the Lord?

August 19, 2009
By John Piper

Read this article on our website.

Seeking the Lord means seeking his presence. “Presence” is a common translation of the Hebrew word “face.” Literally, we are to seek his “face.” But this is the Hebraic way of having access to God. To be before his face is to be in his presence.

But aren't his children always in his presence? Yes and no. Yes in two senses: First, in the sense that God is omnipresent and therefore always near everything and everyone. He holds everything in being. His power is ever-present in sustaining and governing all things.

And second, yes, he is always present with his children in the sense of his covenant commitment to always stand by us and work for us and turn everything for our good. “Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

But there is a sense in which God’s presence is not with us always. For this reason, the Bible repeatedly calls us to “seek the Lord...seek his presence continually.” God’s manifest, conscious, trusted presence is not our constant experience. There are seasons when we become neglectful of the Lord and give him no thought and do not put trust in him and we find him “unmanifested”—that is, unperceived as great and beautiful and valuable by the eyes of our hearts.

His face—the brightness of his personal character—is hidden behind the curtain of our carnal desires. This condition is always ready to overtake us. That is why we are told to “seek his presence continually.” God calls us to enjoy continual consciousness of his supreme greatness and beauty and worth.

This happens through “seeking.” Continual seeking. But what does that mean practically? Both the Old and New Testaments say it is a “setting of the mind and heart” on God. It is the conscious fixing or focusing of our mind’s attention and our heart’s affection on God.

“Now set your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God.” (1 Chronicles 22:19)

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:1–2)

This setting of the mind is the opposite of mental coasting. It is a conscious choice to direct the heart toward God. This is what Paul prays for the church: “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ” (2 Thessalonians 3:5). It is a conscious effort on our part. But that effort to seek God is a gift from God.

We do not make this mental and emotional effort to seek God because he is lost. That’s why we would seek a coin or a sheep. But God is not lost. Nevertheless, there is always something through which or around which we must go to meet him consciously. This going through or around is what seeking is. He is often hidden. Veiled. We must go through mediators and around obstacles.

The heavens are telling the glory of God. So we can seek him through that. He reveals himself in his word. So we can seek him through that. He shows himself to us in the evidences of grace in other people. So we can seek him through that. The seeking is the conscious effort to get through the natural means to God himself—to constantly set our minds toward God in all our experiences, to direct our minds and hearts toward him through the means of his revelation. This is what seeking God means.

And there are endless obstacles that we must get around in order to see him clearly, and so that we can be in the light of his presence. We must flee every spiritually dulling activity. We must run from it and get around it. It is blocking our way.

We know what makes us vitally sensitive to God’s appearances in the world and in the word. And we know what dulls us and blinds us and makes us not even want to seek him. These things we must move away from and go around if we would see God. That is what seeking God involves.

And as we direct our minds and hearts Godward in all our experiences, we cry out to him. This too is what seeking him means.

“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near.” (Isaiah 55:6)

“If you will seek God and plead with the Almighty for mercy...” (Job 8:5)

Seeking involves calling and pleading. O Lord, open my eyes. O Lord, pull back the curtain of my own blindness. Lord, have mercy and reveal yourself. I long to see your face.

The great obstacle to seeking the Lord is pride. “In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him” (Psalm 10:4). Therefore, humility is essential to seeking the Lord.

The great promise to those who seek the Lord is that he will be found. “If you seek him, he will be found by you” (1 Chronicles 28:9). And when he is found, there is great reward. “Whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him” (Hebrews 11:6). God himself is our greatest reward. And when we have him, we have everything. Therefore, “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”

Seeking with you,

Pastor John

New Summer Pics

Be sure to check out the right hand side of this page as you will find albums of photos from Bari summer camp, Africa and the rest of summer down south. Enjoy!

New Arrivals

Tuesday marked the official start of our year at the Univ. of Florence. The start was a little bittersweet as most of the Florence team had to postpone their arrival for several more weeks. But we are more than excited to host part of the Siena team until their apartments are ready in Siena. At the moment we have a total of 4, 1 year, stitners here. Most have spent some time in Italy before and have even taken a few language classes. Kylie, the lone Florence stinter, has actually never set foot in Italy yet she is unafraid to use her language skills learned in the States. It has been a joy to go back a little in time and remember my first days in Italy when all was strange, unfamiliar, and confusing but yet so exciting at the same time. Though year to year I find myself a little more tired of continually beginning new friendships and relationships I know that it is worth it if not for my sake for theirs. I love getting to help them learn and discover a whole new world. Watching their eyes light up, their confused looks, their embarrassed smiles as they attempt to speak Italian, and so much more provides joy in my days. It's a very simple thing I know but I get much satisfaction out of it. The Florence stint gals have also chosen an apartment very near to my house so I get to spend a lot more time with them than I did last year. I'm looking forward to dinners together, Grey's anatomy dinner nights, and just hanging out as friends. Pray for relationships to be built quickly and that the rest of our team would arrive soon so that we can all start off on this great adventure together.

Moni from Africa....Hope you are all doing well and got my latests newsletter. I've been in Africa since Saturday and things are going well. The team has bonded very quickly nad we're having a grea time together. Unfortunately there was the death of a child in the village we are working in this week so we haven't been able to go to the site as we would be a big distraction to hte funeral,etc. We just returned from gonig to a teammates village in N. Malawi to experience village life i.e. no running water, no electricity, sleeping on the floor, no bathrooms, etc. We love giving hte team of real life here!!! Luckily, I'm used to it nad actually kind of like hte hot cup bath under hte stars. haha. Wish you could all be here to experience it. We also had our first Jesus film showing last night. 500 people came and the response was very positive I think. Pray for the people as they continue to think about and meditate on what htey heard nad saw last night. That htey would come to know Christ in a real and personal way. Pray for our team as well during our morning mettings times in the world and learning about cultural things.Ok I need to go now. Hope you are all doing great!!! MOre news soon.Love, martip.s. pray specifically for God to continue to provide for my finances in the last couple of months many expenses have arisen from flights to africa, to paying to teach at an italian christian summer camp, etc. etc. He has always provided for my needs so pray that I would rest in Him and trust that He will take care of me. Thank you my apologies for how horribly written and misspelled this email is. Africa computer is a little difficult!

Thoughts I Stole on Intimacy

It was maybe about 2 years ago when I heard this talk on Hebrews 3 given by one of our national directors here in Italy. It struck me then pretty deep where I was at in my job and spiritually and to this day I go back to it over and over again. 

What is intimacy?

It's a closeness with transparency. What we are looking for is rest and intimacy.  Playing it safe never leads to intimacy or rest.

When difficulties arise one of two things happens:

 1. It pushes you closer to God

2. It pushes you further away from God and you run for safety

Difficulties that push us from God lead to unbelief which leads to a hard heart. 

In Hebrews 3 we are given two commands:

1. consider Jesus, contemplate Him

2. collectively see to it that you don't let anyone in your community fall away

Where is the rest I seek?  psalm 95,   Jesus provides that rest.

Unbelief?  Ex. 17: 1-7 Pay attention to quarreling in your own heart,etc. this can be a sign of unbelief

In Exodus 17 the people ask    1. Is God present?      2. Is God good?

This is always our root issue of faith. Do we believe God is present and good?

Hebrews:

Ch 4: 14-16 Where's the grace?

return to the throne of Grace for it is always open. Run to Christ in prayer for here you will find rest. Hold fast to our confession because of Christ's death and resurrection. 

Blog Neglector!

Yep that's me a blog neglector. It was and still isn't my intention to be one but I am none the less.  THings have been so busy this year and just when we try to slow it down a notch somehow it seems to get busier or more confusing. The last couple months started out shaky but ever since March I've loved most of my days on campus. The Lord is doing some pretty cool things and I've been blessed to make a lot of new friendships. The months are rolling on and I realize I've been in my new city for just over a year now. crazy how time flies. At the moment we're in the process of ending the semester well, transitioning to summer stuff a little and getting ready for our summer project in Malawi. The last couple weeks have brought some sad losses for me but joy in the midsts of them as well. A great uncle who was like my grandfather passed away. He had lived a nice long and full life. Ever since I can remember spending time with him and his wife was always a spiritually encouraging and uplifting time for me. The love the Lord and had a relationship with Him that I still envy and covet to this day.... 

thoughts from reading Hudson Taylor

I'm in the middle of reading a book entitled Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret. Over the years as a missionary you hear about the great trailblazer missionaries who went before you to the world. I love reading their biographies and seeing the very real, radical faith in God they had. I've been encouraged by their lives and pushed to a deeper faith in my God by most of them but reading about Hudson Taylor has been different. Many times these biographies make me hunger to embark on an even more adventurous life or run towards an even more radical mission field. But I find myself in these days greatly challenged with my complacency and my seemingly non-existent need for Christ's moment by moment sustaining power in my life. It happens every time I come to the states. The pace of life and the overwhelming amount of consumerism or ability to freely consume draws me away from the most important thing in my life, my communion with the Savior. Time goes by and I find myself passing days without spending purposeful time in the Word, in His presence and in concentrated prayer. If I stop for a minute I begin to feel the emptiness inside me and the restlessness/unsatisfaction of my soul. I know that it comes from my lack of time with the Lord and not seeing Him as the true satisfier in my life. My heart begins to hurt and I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and then shame over how easily my heart is lured away. I see the idols that I've put in the place that my God should have and I'm ashamed. Yes missionaries aren't perfect and we aren't spiritual superman.

While I've been reading Hudson Taylor's bio I've seen His deep love and devotion to Christ. He put his walk with God before everything else in his life. This love for Christ and the realization that others around the world are perishing daily without knowing Christ drove him to inland China in the 1860s. Though I'm in Italy for the same reasons I'm cut to the depth of my heart that my love for the Lord and the lost isn't anywhere near what his was or what it should be. Here is one paragraph from the book that I'm processing right now and trying to respond to personally.

"We may have more wealth in these days, better education, greater comfort in traveling and in our surroundings even as missionaries, but have we the spirit of urgency, the deep, inward convictions that moved those who went before us; have we the same passion of love, personal love for the Lord Jesus Christ? If these are lacking, it is a loss for which nothing can compensate." H. Taylor

I give God such a small place in my life. These days I'm longing for more of who He is, more of Him in my life and more love for those living without Him. That I would be wholeheartedly sold out for my Savior and let no earthly thing draw me from an intimate relationship with Him!!

Italy and Muslims: What's the reality?

Italy and Muslims:

About 600,000 Muslims live in Italy legally but it is hard to estimate the large numbers of illegal aliens. Most of these Muslims come from countries in the 10/40 Window, particularly Tunisia, Libya and Albania. Many speak the Italian language well, attending schools and working in factories throughout the country though a larger number live in Northern Italy.
Cultural Misunderstandings in Italy

Many Arabs from North Africa and the Middle East believe that Islam is the absolute truth and consider it their duty to promote their religion in Italy. However after the September 11 terrorist attacks in the United States, Islam received much attention in the Italian media. Many traditional Muslims found it difficult to reconcile their Islamic beliefs with the cruelty of certain Muslim fundamentalists.

There are over 100 mosques in Italy, 65 of which are in the North. Italian Muslims are increasingly gaining official recognition, which helps them open mosques and Islamic schools. Many Muslims who originally migrated to Italy are now successfully bringing their families to Italy while others are marrying Italian women. In Italian schools, the majority of non-catholic students are Muslim. Cultural misunderstandings and differences between Muslims and Italians are increasingly leading to social tensions. Recently, some Muslims have requested that all crucifixes be removed from Italian classrooms.

Equipping Believers in Italy
During the last decade, Italian churches have started equipping believers in order to effectively evangelise Muslims yet these efforts are terribly small compared to the need. There are very few full-time missionaries who work among Muslims in Italy, and those who do have difficulty coping with all the demands that are placed on them. One effective evangelistic activity, which has been successful during Ramadan is the distribution of the “Jesus” video and evangelistic literature in the Arabic language in Italian harbours and airports. Many Muslims return to their native lands (Tunisians, Moroccans, Algerians, Senegalese, Libyans and others) for this time.
Muslims in Italy generally have a deep sense of religiosity linked to their many rituals, but they lack any certainty about the salvation of their souls. They often have preconceived ideas towards Christianity and Western civilisation, which makes it harder for them to hear the Gospel.
Pray for the Muslims of Italy:

* May Italian Christians have a stronger desire to know Islam and the ways to evangelise Muslims effectively.
* Pray for the precious ministry of the few full-time missionaries in Italy.
* May friendly relationships of trust be established with Muslims. “Friendship evangelism” is the method that seems to bear the most fruit. Love and acceptance from a believer, in a hostile country, can melt the hardest heart.

Background on Italy (World Factbook)
Italy became a nation-state in 1861 when the regional states of the peninsula, along with Sardinia and Sicily, were united under King Victor EMMANUEL II. An era of parliamentary government came to a close in the early 1920s when Benito MUSSOLINI established a Fascist dictatorship. His disastrous alliance with Nazi Germany led to Italy’s defeat in World War II. A democratic republic replaced the monarchy in 1946 and economic revival followed.
Italy was a charter member of NATO and the European Economic Community (EEC). It has been at the forefront of European economic and political unification, joining the Economic and Monetary Union in 1999. Persistent problems include illegal immigration, organized crime, corruption, high unemployment, sluggish economic growth, and the low incomes and technical standards of southern Italy compared with the prosperous north.

Economy of Italy
Italy has a diversified industrial economy with roughly the same total and per capita output as France and the UK. This capitalistic economy remains divided into a developed industrial north, dominated by private companies, and a less-developed, welfare-dependent, agricultural south, with 20% unemployment. Most raw materials needed by industry and more than 75% of energy requirements are imported. Over the past decade, Italy has pursued a tight fiscal policy in order to meet the requirements of the Economic and Monetary Unions and has benefited from lower interest and inflation rates.

About Italy
Population: 58,145,321 (July 2008 est.)
Life Expectancy at Birth: 80.07 years
Ethnic groups: Italian (includes small clusters of German-, French-, and Slovene-Italians in the north and Albanian-Italians and Greek-Italians in the south)
Religions: approximately 90% Roman Catholic (about one-third regularly attend services); mature Protestant and Jewish communities and a growing Muslim immigrant community
Languages: Italian (official), German (parts of Trentino-Alto Adige region are predominantly German speaking), French (small French-speaking minority in Valle d’Aosta region), Slovene (Slovene-speaking minority in the Trieste-Gorizia area)
Literacy: 98.4% — Male: 98.8%, Female: 98%

Italy is now being called an unreached people group as only 1% of the population attend church regulary and less than 1% claim to have a relationship with God.

Summary of Malawi Project

On the Road to Africa – Agape Italia Bringing hope to Malawi

Over a year ago a vision came about in the ministry of Agape Italia to bring together the good news with good deeds in the form of humanitarian projects. The staff of this new team are Haswell and Maria Beni, and Marti Sanders, We desire to see this new holistic (body, mind and spirit) ministry approach partnered with each of our exisiting ministries. The hearts of Italians, whether believers or not yet believers have proven to be deeply open to helping those in physical need. From the Student Ministry there is a vision of seeing Italian University students be introduced to the Gospel and possibly come to know Christ through these projects are Christ centered

The time came to step out in faith and launch our first project. Haswell Beni, being from Malawi, Africa, had many contacts in the sister ministry of Malawi. We got in touch with Life Ministry, (ccci Malawi) and asked for help to locate an already developed project that we could join hands with. Immediately, Steve Katakumala, Jesus Film Director Malawi and Ignatius Nyaga, National Director Life ministry Malawi put us in contact with Masintha C.C.A.P Church in Lilongwe (the Capital City). The church was in the beginning stages of developing an education project in the village of Chimutu, just ouside Lilongwe. Their desire was to build 5 blocks consisting of 2 classrooms each for a primary school and a well. It seemed the perfect project for us as we were looking to partner with long term sustainable projects. Through much prayer and planning the trip came together in early 2008. After recrutiing participants throughout Italy, the US and Europe, in late May 2008 at the last minute, we saw the numbr of participants drop to just 5 Italian students from Florence and the Naples area. We were disheartened as we had prayed for 30 people to take part but the Lord showed us that He was answering our prayer that only those truly called would come. Each of the 5 students took a big leap of faith in looking for financial sponsors and chosing to take part in village life for 3 weeks. We have seen God”s hand at work in providing prayer partners and finances from Italy, America and Africa. What a joy that we can be a blessing to each other in this way. It has given us a taste of what heaven will be like when people from all tribes, tongues and nations come together.

The project left on July 4th for the 3 weeks working in Chimutu village outside the capital of Lilongwe, Malawi. The students were welcomed with a choir at the airport followed by a dinner at Masintha Church. From the first day, we’ve seen the spirit at work drawing these students hearts to himself. Some of them are not yet believers but walls are coming down and they are beginning to see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and experience through community the love of Christ. They’ve heard the Gospel numerous times and are daily being exposed to life change stories from Africans, Italians, and Americans. Pray for their continued spiritual searching and that it would soon turn into a lifelong journey of walking with Christ as their Lord and Savior.

As the days went by, the fruits of the Gospel also began to spring up in the local commmunities of Lilongwe and surrounding villages through 5 Jesus Film showings. We’ve seen an average of 500 people at each showing with the exception of one being almost 1,000 people. Each showing ended with nearly 50% of the people indicating new decision for Christ or a rededication of their lives to Christ. The Malawi Jesus Film staff have had the opportunity to go through follow up material with many of these new believers.

During our two weeks at the work site in Chimutu village, God has allowed us to take part in providing life changing blessings to the people. The first day of the project, during the church service, the borehole drilleres arrived to begin work on the well that would soon bring safe drinking water to the village and allow women and children who once walked a minimum of 2 Km to walk only 200 meters to get water. What an experience of joy to see in just under a week, land that was once dry and deserted now providing living water to hundreds of people. Along with the well, we’ve laid the foundation for 2 school blocks (4 classrooms) and each of us with our own hands placed cement and bricks to see the walls of the primary school rise to window level. As staff, we’ve taught several sessions on the basics of Christianity for village chiefs, women and children and done training for local church believers on how to share their faith through their personal testimony. The people of Chimutu are opening up to the message of salvation. Each chief has received a Bible and some have begun to ask spiritual questions.

There is less than a week remaining in the project but we’re certain that we have yet to see the end of the blessings God has in store for the village of Chimutu, and each of us. It’s an overwhelming privilege and honor to be a part of the first holistic Agape Italia team being sent to the world to share the message of Christ and minister to people’s physical intellectual and spiritual needs. We want to see leaders developed at every level of involvement and multiplication of being a blessing one to another begin to take place. This is the reason to be involved in ministry in Italy as the vision becomes a reality. At the end listen to something that has been repeated over and over this month by local church leaders and Life Ministry staff. “ Don’t let the Italians get all the blessings.”

Holistic Movements to reach communities with the Gospel everywhere

if you buy an international phone card you can call me at:

011 265 55 06498
this is my cell phone in malawi. I am 7 hours ahead of Mississippi and the same time as Italy.

Let the adventure begin... Malawi

It took me 3 days to get here and I came very close to missing 2 flights but I made it. My luggage unfortunately got left in Washington DC so it took a couple days to arrive. Things have been very busy since I arrived last Saturday afternoon. Malawi is very different than the others places I've been in Africa. Even though it is the 6th poorest country in the world there is much development in the capital city. The gap between the rich and the poor here is beyond what you can imagine. I've seen many humanitarian groups, missionaries,etc in these last couple of days in the capital but very few venture out into the villages for long. Just over 20km outside of town there is a different reality. Poverty so intense you can't help but be changed in an instant. Though I've been in this environment several times before I pray it never becomes common to me, that it never stops compelling me to action and that I would cease to praise God every second for the abundance of blessings He has poured out in my life. I have been given more than I could hope for and I admit that more of than I would like I live life to the fullest in a material way. On Monday I went to see the place where we will build the 2 school classrooms and well for the school. It's going to be oneof the only actual buildings in the area. The areas government rep. is so serious about the need to educate this young generation so that they might help themselves that he built 2 classrooms with his own money. These young ones are the hope of Africa but I'm seeing that without education they have no hope for escaping the bonds of poverty here. We talked with several of the small children and asked them about school and if they attend. Many said yes they went to the school that is currently in our building location but several others told us they did not go because they have no money for the uniforms. The church we are working with has a vision to help these children. In the very same place we are building the primary school they are praying for a junior high and a medical clinic to be built in the coming years. They are praying for it to become a hub for the 20 surrounding villages where they can come and get the education and help they need. The pastor went with us on Monday to the building site and he told the children in their language that we are going to build them a school so that their brain could become smarter. They began to shout, "I want it, I want it!" and raise their hands. What a picture of desire. These children long for what they cannot have. I'm praising God that he has given me such an opportunity to come and be apart of these children's future. Like every place I go these children have captured me. They are fascinated with the color of my skin here in malawi but be it a smile or a handshake I want to love them closer to Christ. They are also so much fun to be around and watch their fearlessness as children.

I've been reading mostly in Romans 4 about how Abraham hoped against hope, how he didn't weaken in his faith when he considered his age and the bareness of Sarah's womb. I often times wonder if I have this same faith andI really believe God to these depths. verse 20 & 21 have become two of my favorites.It says no distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. If only I had an ounce of the faith of Abraham. Not only did he not
lose hope, weaken in his faith or waver in the promises, he grew strong and fully convinced of the promises of God. This can only be God. Abraham knew God and had experienced God in a way that I have yet to. I long to grow strong in my faith as well like Abraham and not just say I'm convinced that God can do what he promises but actually believe it. So often I can say I have this faith but deep down I know I'm not completely believing Him for everything in my life whether it be support for staff, Italian students coming to Christ, getting married one day or that He has the perfect plan for my life. I know this because there is often times doubt, fear or anxiety that I experience. Pray with me that I would have a faith like Abraham had and that you would as well. Our God is an awesome God and he reigns. He is able to do more than I could ever ask or imagine. That I would honor Him with my belief of His promises towards me as His beloved daughter.

and the vision becomes reality...

It's 1:30 a.m. the night before I leave for my 4th mission trip in Africa and as I pack I'm thinking about the reality of what's about to take place. For almost five years now, I've casted vision in countless letters, talks, meetings, etc. for Italians to one day be sent out to take the Gospel to the world. I'm realizing that maybe I never 100 % believed that I would see the day when this took place. The spiritual ground is so tough in Italy and tilling up the soil is harder than I could have ever imagined. Over a year ago I began to develop an even more specific vision for ways to foster God's work in the lives of hungry Italians. The Lord has made me with some pretty specific interests and passions. Serving others and reaching out to those utterly forgotten in this world is something I run after for. I believe many Italians have this same heart and I asked myself some time ago how we could connect on this point that would one day lead to them hearing how the love of Christ has changed my life. Though our hearts are driven in the same direction I believe our motivations are perhaps pretty different. Of course serving others and helping them fills me with some pretty unexplainable joy but that's not my main motivation. The love that Christ has poured out in my life is what spurs me on to love and good deeds. I long for those we help and the Italians who come along to see this motivation.

All this to say I dreamt of a day when we as Agape Italia could go with Italians to the nations. In my mind this dream most likely wouldn't be realized during my time in Italy. But tonight I'm thinking about how insane it is that in just over a year from when I first got excited about this idea I'm seeing it take place before my very eyes. All the vision I've been casting to potential supporters and supporters for five years is now, as of today, a reality. Italians are being sent out to take the Gospel to the nations. WOW!! I'm amazed. It hasn't happened in the sequence of events I'd expected or even with the people I'd thought of but it's happening. Five Italians have heard the call and have taken the leap of faith to come with us to Malawi, Africa for three weeks to take part in a humanitarian mission trip. God is so good and faithful. Though I doubted him more times than I'd care to admit and considered quitting more times than you know I'm still here. He's allowed me to be a part of salvation history taking place in Italy. What a blessing and a privilege. Oh that my faith were greater, that I would boldly ask for more of Him and more from Him. Tomorrow begins a new day in our Italian ministry that is remarkably different than each of the others before. Pray with us as we embark on this new step in the journey to see Italians come to know the salvation of Christ.

My mom and I in Italy

My mom came back with me in January and spent 12 days here meeting my friends and seeing some new cities. Here are a couple fun pics.