thoughts from reading Hudson Taylor

I'm in the middle of reading a book entitled Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret. Over the years as a missionary you hear about the great trailblazer missionaries who went before you to the world. I love reading their biographies and seeing the very real, radical faith in God they had. I've been encouraged by their lives and pushed to a deeper faith in my God by most of them but reading about Hudson Taylor has been different. Many times these biographies make me hunger to embark on an even more adventurous life or run towards an even more radical mission field. But I find myself in these days greatly challenged with my complacency and my seemingly non-existent need for Christ's moment by moment sustaining power in my life. It happens every time I come to the states. The pace of life and the overwhelming amount of consumerism or ability to freely consume draws me away from the most important thing in my life, my communion with the Savior. Time goes by and I find myself passing days without spending purposeful time in the Word, in His presence and in concentrated prayer. If I stop for a minute I begin to feel the emptiness inside me and the restlessness/unsatisfaction of my soul. I know that it comes from my lack of time with the Lord and not seeing Him as the true satisfier in my life. My heart begins to hurt and I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and then shame over how easily my heart is lured away. I see the idols that I've put in the place that my God should have and I'm ashamed. Yes missionaries aren't perfect and we aren't spiritual superman.

While I've been reading Hudson Taylor's bio I've seen His deep love and devotion to Christ. He put his walk with God before everything else in his life. This love for Christ and the realization that others around the world are perishing daily without knowing Christ drove him to inland China in the 1860s. Though I'm in Italy for the same reasons I'm cut to the depth of my heart that my love for the Lord and the lost isn't anywhere near what his was or what it should be. Here is one paragraph from the book that I'm processing right now and trying to respond to personally.

"We may have more wealth in these days, better education, greater comfort in traveling and in our surroundings even as missionaries, but have we the spirit of urgency, the deep, inward convictions that moved those who went before us; have we the same passion of love, personal love for the Lord Jesus Christ? If these are lacking, it is a loss for which nothing can compensate." H. Taylor

I give God such a small place in my life. These days I'm longing for more of who He is, more of Him in my life and more love for those living without Him. That I would be wholeheartedly sold out for my Savior and let no earthly thing draw me from an intimate relationship with Him!!