The goodness of the Lord

Since about last January I'll be honest as always and say I've doubted the Lord's goodness, his plan for me and wondered often if I could really trust Him. Many days I answered no to these things and I tried to figure out how to still be a "Christian" but work it out better for myself by taking the control of my life from God. I can't say I walked away from Him but just simply chose to not engage with Him and I began to believe lies about His character and his promises. It has and still is a long road in that spiritual department but I will say over the last month He has show me some glimpses of who He really is, reminded of His promises and that they are trustworthy, He has provided a couple of amazing times with some of the glas in our ministry and well dropped a few things in my lap that provide accountability for me to at least engage with Him. I love those times when He shows me his goodness and the good He says He has for those who love Him. I know I am far from deserving of it but yet even in my valley of dark and struggling days He shows himself and He lets me see Him. Just this morning I was reading somewhere in the Bible for my study tomorrow and it was a verse about the plans He has for us but what caught my eyes was that it said those plans came from His heart. It somehow makes Him more real to me and allows me a glimpse into the depths of His love for me. THe fact His plans for me, for us didn't just come out of his good ideas box, off His list of things to do, out of the fleetings of His mind but rather they came from His heart. They had love, purpose, and our best interest in mind when they were decided for each of us. It's a small nugget I know but for me righ tnow those things are huge to see.