Thoughts on the Gospel & Believing God

It has been 2 weeks of deep thinking for me and seaching the depths of my own heart and mind in relation to the Gospel and my belief in God. Since September the main discussion and study of my team here in Italy has been the Gospel-what is it, who is it for, how do you communicate it, what does it have to offer that I do not. My frequent confession to my team was unbelief in the power of God to work here in Pisa, in such a dry and hard place. The height of the discussion came for me this week when a fellow teammate from Florence, Gary, came over to talk with us about the Gospel and evangelism. In my mind, doing evangelism means telling people about the Gospel of Christ. But I thought the greatest obstacle to doing that here in Italy was Italians disinterest, difficulty in meet students, language, etc. Never once did it fully cross my mind that I might be the main obstacle in communicating Christ with Italians. Gary posed the idea that there were 2 main barriers one being "language" and the other being "our own experiential knowledge of the Gospel". First of all, I wasn't even sure what that second one meant. But, as he explained it, I finally grasped it and had an ah hah moment. He's talking about the degree that we as believers experience the Gospel in our daily personal lives. whoa! That struck deep in me along the line of thoughts and internal discussions I've been have for months. We went on to discuss what is the core of the Gospel? It comes down to Jesus Christ:his life, death, and resurection. That's it nothing else. I read in Romans, Hebrews and beyond that yes the Gospel is also for me not just for unbelievers or those who have not heard. It is for me, Marti. Everyday I need the Gospel in my life. One of Gary's points was to the extent the Gospel is working in our lives effects everything we do. It effects my love for others, my belief in Christ to work, my hunger to share the good news of Christ,etc. I realize that right now I am not believing the power of God in my life as a believer and I am not believing most times that the Gospel is good news for me thus my "job" here in Italy becomes just that a job rather that a burning passion to share something incomparably valuable in my life with lost Italians. I began this semester on a search to figure out what it means to truly and deeply believe God not just believe in Him and to figure out what is the Gospel for me. The road ahead looks to be long but holds great growth for me in my walk as a beloved daughter of the King. This is not something I will figure out overnight, next week or probably even by next year. Pray that God would show me what it mean to truly believe in Him, how I go about doing that, and what the Gospel means in my life and in my calling to Pisa.